Parenting is hard!

"Working out what our children need in order to thrive is definitely not simply a matter of knowing the right information about child development and having an armoury of clever techniques (the controlled cry, the ‘naughty step’, the gold-star reward charts, the ‘one-two-three magic’, ad infinitum). A deep and joy-filled connection with our children – the kind of connection that allows us to be a positive influence in their lives – rests on our ability to relate to their innermost feelings, to see more deeply than their surface behaviour. This kind of connection is far more powerful, influential and enriching than authoritarian behaviour-control."  Source

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Last Friday after trying so hard to help my 3 year old clean her room without success and than having an all out tantrum and screaming fest for at least an hour from her...

I had my own little breakdown. 

After I got my wits about me I prayed! Because I know that we have a loving Father in Heaven who hears our prayers. Do you know that?  I hope you do. 

Yesterday I told my all knowing =) older sister of four adorable boys that I felt like Lizzy was out of control lately.  This has been so hard for me because I know without a doubt that a lot of her acting out is my lack of parenting (or just about everything) since becoming pregnant. I have been less patient, less kind, easily annoyed and given a lot less time to her since getting pregnant.  My sister told me that she wished she could give me some really good advice but she really didn't have any.  She was a listening ear though and then later on in the conversation when I told her I felt like I needed to give her more structured activities. She told me she had recently read an article (I just updated this link because it was wrong) about moms who feel they need to do so much structured things and who overwhelm themselves with what they are not doing are actually more depressed moms and that ends up rubbing off on the children.  She then reminded me that what lizzy needs most is just simple time from me doing what lizzy loves. 

She was 100% right and had ended up giving me the advice I needed!
Today I spent some time cleaning but then sat down with her and read her a ton of books.  Then I sat down with her at the table and colored.  Those are her two favorite things right now.  It was so simple and yet I know it meant the world to her and she has been happier today...I can tell! 

My hypnobirthing instructor also sent out a bunch of articles today and one in particular I really liked because I feel like it pertains to my struggles with my daughter right now.  Its titled Intuitive Parenting and you can find it here.  Its a good one.  Go read it.  (The quote at the top of the page comes from it)

What about you?  Did you feel like your children suffered during your pregnancies?  How did you keep your head above water?  What simple things do you enjoy doing with your children that they love?  How do you remind yourself that its all okay?

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Hypnobirthing class 2: Affirmations

To read Class 1 Part 1 and Part 2
Alright first off I have to apologize because I read over my last two posts about my first class and while I found it all incredibly amazing information I am not really sure it was all that interesting to read.  I am going to try to keep the information we learned in the second class just informative for anyone who might want to know before taking the class.   If you read nothing else in this post skip down to the affirmations part.  I feel that this can help every person in all aspects of life!!!
Completely random note: Last night during our break from class Ron and I walked down to his office to get a drink because it is cheaper there and he was working on a fetal monitor so he plugged it in and we got to here little girls heartbeat!  Its such a beautiful sound!  It was a strong heartbeat of 155! 

Hypnobirthing focuses on 4 things.
1.Breathing
2. Relaxation
3. Visualization
4. Deepening relaxation. 

We discussed breathing and relaxation yesterday and practiced some of these methods.  I have been practicing one of breathing methods this past week before I go to bed and I can honestly attest that it always relaxes me and puts me to sleep very quickly.  The funny thing is I learned this particular method when I took voice lessons in high school.  It is a type of belly breath that we used to practice before every single lesson and it would always relax me so I have used it frequently since then to help me get to sleep!  Crazy!  We also worked on a breathing method to do during surges (or contractions).

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There is a few different methods of Relaxation that we also worked on and I have already found that I like one more than the rest.  It works very quickly for me.  We learned something called LIGHT TOUCH MASSAGE that your birth partner can do to help you relax and release endorphins during labor. I found it very effective when we practiced it in class. 

Here is a man using light touch massage on this birthing mom.

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We also discussed the process of breathing down which is used in hypnobirthing in place of pushing the baby out.  This is probably another post for another time but I promise I will talk about it again. 

My favorite part of the class was Affirmations. 
Every thought we have creates a biochemcial reaction.  So when we tell ourselves that we can do something we are more likely to be able to do this. 

One of my favorite affirmations

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My first experience with affirmations was when I was running my first race.  I was struggling near the last mile.  I told my sister that I didn't think I could run anymore.  She started encouraging me and I started to tell myself that I could in my mind.  I started to remind myself that I had worked so hard four this and that I was going to finish this thing and not stop running.  I never stopped running and finished the race because I told myself I could!

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Affirmations are very important in pregnancy and birthing because it is truly the hardest thing that any women will ever experience.  I think another reason why affirmations are so important during pregnancy is that pregnancy changes our chemical makeup and our bodies very very quickly.   I will admit that this time around being almost 40 lbs lighter than my first pregnancy I have an incredible fear of what the pregnancy is doing to my body.  I worked very hard to get my body where it was and its hard to see it change so rapdily.  One of my favorite affirmations that was on the list that we were given last night was

I love the way I look.  I know that what I am doing is amazing and has a beautiful person and I am trying to remember not to focus on my ever growing body!

I decided that I am going to right down my favorite affirmations and place them around the house where I see them every day.  Here are a few others I really like. 

I am involved in a wonderful experience. 
I nourish you with love and take care of my body
I am learning to relax more everday
I am confident about your easy birth
All doubts are put aside as I look forward to your birth
I promise to teach you with love and guidance rather than anger and punishment
Dear little baby, I love you

I will also be putting some affirmations around the house for Ron to help him gain confidence in himself as my birth companion.  He has such an important role in helping me accomplish this natural birth and I want him to know he can do it! 

I truly feel that affirmations can be beneficial to us in all parts of life not just birthing and pregnancy. 
Ron has a lot of new things going on in his life and I will be putting them around the house to help him in these as well. 

Next week in class we are discussing visualizationn and Deepening Relaxations!  WE will be working on self hypnosis.  I cant wait! I
I had someone ask me why I chose hypnobirthing and I will be doing a post on the many reasons why I chose it and also some of my other preperations. 

Hypnobirthing class 1 part 2-Mind over matter

Last september when I went to talk to my midwife about the hopes of getting pregnant I told her about my desire to use hypnobirthing for the birthing process with our next.  She highly recomended hypnobirthing and said that she felt it could be beneficial to all people inside or out of childbirth. Last night as Ron and I drove home and talked about all we had learned from our first class it became very apparent how that could be the case. 

Until looking into Hypnobirthing- hypnosis was the show they put on at the western Idaho fair and people got up on stage and did crazy things and had no clue what they were doing.  Truth is that is not a good way of looking at hypnosis at all.  (I have also learned that while people may respond and act as they are told to here they will not do anything that is out of their moral compass...I found this interesting because it order to refrain you would have to be somewhat aware)

Hypnosis comes from the Greek work hypnose which means to sleep
BUT
it is the appearance of sleep not sleep itself.  It was named this because when it was discovered that people could put themselves in a deep state of relaxation most of the time it appeared that they were sleeping!

We actually use hypnosis in our everyday life without even realizing it. 
Have you ever drove home from somewhere, got in the driveway and realized that you don't even remember stopping at the stop lights or taking turns and somehow you got home?  If you have then you have used hypnosis.  This happens when something becomes so second nature to us that we can do it without thought.  Chances are your mind was somewhere else and you were in a state of hypnosis. 

Here is some more very fascinating scientific things about how our bodies work that I learned last night.

Our Brain functions in 4 different modes
Beta--- 14 cycles per minute- When we are in Beta mode we are being the critic, the analyst and the judge.  We are in a concious state of mind when we are in this mode!

Alpha--- 7 cycles per minute- right before we go to bed or right when we wake up in the morning

Theta--- 4 cycles per minute

Delta---- 2 cycles per minute

The last three of these modes (I dont know if that is the correct term but that is what I am calling it) Alpha, Theta, and Delta are considered a hypnotic state of mind!  COOL HUH?? Who knew....I sure didn't!

When we first learn a skill we are using Beta mode.  Last night as we drove home we discussed that right now my husband spends a lot of time in this Beta mode because he is learning a lot at his new job and a lot in the new roll he is playing at our church.  Something I found very interesting about the Beta mode is that until a child/adolescent is 14 years old they cannot completely be in Beta.  Makes Sense if you ask me!!!

Athletes are actually VERY skilled at going into these lower 3 modes and using hypnosis because what they do becomes very second nature to them and they use the power of muscle memory rather than analyzing everything they do.  ALSO VERY COOL!

The instructor shared a story about her son with us that related to the athlete aspect of it.  This made me think of my husband who is on a softball league right now and told me he can always tell when the guys who go up to bat are actually thinking too much about what they are doing.  This past game Ron (my husband) had two really good hits and at some point in the game someone made a really dumb mistake of yelling at Ron from across the field for no good reason.  Lets just say it was completely unncessary. It made Ron really upset (me too...pregnant wife was ready to pounce) and the next time he got up to bat he didn't hit very well.  He told me last night that usually he clears his mind before he goes up to bat and after being yelled at he was so upset he focused too hard which resulted in a bad hit.   It was really cool to hear my husband putting it all together!!

The instructor said something that I think desribes it very well. 

"Hypnosis is a highly focused state your mind goes into.  Rather than trying to think through every little step.
When we are working at our most smooth flowing state we are actually using hypnosis. "

So now that I have talked about all this amazing cool biological aspects of our mind and our nervous system how does this all tie together for childbirth?

What I will now be practicing for the next several months before I deliver our baby is learning to use the Alpha, Theta, and Delta part of my mind and teach myself Self Hypnosis (because most of the time we dont conciously do this).  This will help me stay calm and collected going into childbirth and my mind away from fear.  I will be learning techniques that will help me with breathing, relaxation, visualization and Ultra Deepening. 

Last night Ron and I  listened while laying in bed to one of the tracks that was given at our class and it focuses on relaxation .  IT reminded me a lot of yoga breathing for those of you who do yoga.  Near the middle of the track I felt like I fell asleep but at the end as the person who is speaking askes you to become aware of your surroundings again I realized that I had actually never fallen asleep.  It was very cool!  I am so excited to learn more and share more with you about what I am learning! 

What do you think?  I would love to know your thoughts on either of the posts I shared today!!  Please do comment =)



  

Hypnobirthing class 1 part 1-Our bodies response to fear

Warning:  This is a lot of information and could be completely boring to some.  For me it is just AMAZING to know how the biology of our bodies work.  This is just more of a testament that a very loving, amazing Heavenly Father created our bodies to function in a very powerful way.  I also feel that knowledge is power and in the case of accomplishing a natural birth especially after having a fully medicated birth I feel that this knowledge truly is POWERFUL!

We had our first hypnobirthing class last night and it was so informative and gave me a lot of respect for our miraculous bodies.  I had a friend that that sent me her book and CDs because she felt that the book was just as beneficial as the class but I decided to go ahead and take the clase because I am a very visual person and I can already tell that it is sticking in my brain  A LOT more then just reading the book.  I also know the instructor taught a lot that came from her experience and not from the book. (I greatly appreciate my friend trying to save me some money I think it ultimately comes down to each persons preference.)

Our instructor showed us a video of Marie Mongan who is the women who discovered hypnobirthing and has made it what it is today. 

We spent some time talking about how the muscles in our uterus work and the functions of our body. 
We spent a lot of time talking about fear and how fear affects our body.  This is when things got really interesting for me. 

I'll Start with the Fear Tension Pain Syndrome (FTP)

As you can see above when we are afraid it causes tension.  Which causes our muscles to tighten and when we are not relaxed it causes pain.  Pain in turn causes Fear and it is a cycle.  This also made me think of cold months.  Bear with me cause it makes sense to me!! In the cold months I feel a lot more tension in my body and just ache more because I spend a lot more time tensing my body because of the cold which is exactly what fear does to us.  Fear causes us to be tense. Does that make sense?

Okay  my FAVORITE part of the whole class was when we learned about the:

Autonomic Nervous System (ANS)-

Which is made up of two parts

Both of these amazing parts of the ANS are very crucial to us.  However, if we were to remain in the sypmathetic state for a good portion of our lives you can see how this would be detrimental to us. 

So what does this have to do with Childbirth?

Here goes...

The fear tension pain sydrome or FTP as far as labor is concerned can also be labeled as:

Failure

To

Progress

Our labor cannot always progress when we are tense and afraid.  For me this made SO MUCH SENSE! When I was in labor with Lulu my body was not progressing very quickly after my very intense (induced) contractions started.  I was very tense and I was really afraid.  However when they gave me the epidural I was able to progress again because I went from a state of being tense to being completely relaxed.  My blood pressure even went pretty low after I got the edidural because I was so relaxed. I have heard many women say, "Well my body wouldn't even progress until I got the epidural."  Of course it wouldn't.  Chances are your body was so tense from fear which in turn was causing pain and your body could not do its job as quickly because of your body being tense! (this is not to say that SOME women have other complications but this is the majority of what causes things to slow down)

So what about the ANS working with labor?

This is just AMAZING to me!
As I showed above the Sympathetic part of the ANS releases Catecholaimines and the Parasympathetic Part releases Endorphines.  These two things CANNOT be released at the same time.  The Sympathetic part and the catacholaimines are also considered the Emergency Response system.  This is literaly how our body responds in times of distress.  However the problem with this when we experience it in Labor is that the Uterus is not part of the emergency response system.  In labor our body is working to release endorphines but as I said our body CANNOT realease endorphines if it is releasing Catacolomines becaue we are allowing the Sympathetic part of our ANS to be working rather then the parasympathetic.

This is Where Hypnobirthing comes in!
Which I am hoping to sit down and explain later today. 

A shift in desires!

There was not much prep work that went into the ACTUAL birth of my daughter.  My husband and I took a childbirth prep course at the hospital I would be delivering at that was four weeks long and an hour an a half each class.  I was glad I took it!  I did spend a lot of time researching breastfeeding and even took a class on breastfeeding.  The funny thing is there was absolutely nothing that prepared me for how hard breastfeeding would initially be.  I was lucky to have my mom as an incredible support system staying with us to get me through the initial shock of engorgement (About this I would just like to say that I had some complications that made mine a little harder than normal). I really feel that the only thing that got my through how hard breastfeeding was initially was the 1) pure determination I had that this is what I wanted to provide my child with and the 2) support.  I am hoping those two things will help me with a natural labor this time around as well!

When I was in labor with Lulu I felt like the epidural was heaven sent.  There was never any part of me that desired to have a natural labor and childbirth and honestly after I gave birth I am pretty sure I said or atleast wondered why any woman would want to go without.  So why on earth am an planning a natural labor and delivery this time around?  I wish I could pinpoint when my shift started to happen but I can't.  I know there are a series of events that happened that made me start believing that this is what I wanted.  My labor with lulu was a the most beautiful experience I have ever had and do not want to diminish for it at all but there was certain things about the hosptial that annoyed me.  Some of them could have been avoided if I would have been more educated and known that I could voice my opion and some of them where purely because hosptital are business that have to follow protocol for their own safety (lawsuits and such) and I understand that.  There was just some things that took away from it being my experience with my daughter and my husband.  

 I was moved by friends or bloggers posts about natural birth and even more moved by those that delivered somewhere other than a hospital. They were amazing and beautiful stories. 

Something else that happened was a friend of mine posted about "The business of being born"on facebook, a movie that talks about hospitals agendas in childbirth and follows a few woman who have chosen to have natural births.  I decided to watch it on netflix and while I cant say I agreed with all of it, for some reason I was moved by a lot of what was talked about.  It was amazing to see the progression that has taken place over the years and shocked to find out in certain points in time how woman who were admitted into the hospital to have babies were treated.  I am grateful we have come so far at this point in time. The thing that stuck with me the most about this movie however was when  Ricky Lake (I think) says that pregnancy is not a disease and doesn't need to be treated as such. (those are not her exact words...watch it for yourself!  Its very good although you may have to take some of it with a grain of salt)

That struck me so hard. Of Course its not a disease.  A loving Heavenly Father made our bodies to do this miraculous thing. A miracle it is, we as woman are blessed to be able to experience this miracle! Why can't I like so many other woman who have done it before me, do it as well? I could!! At that point in time I convinced myself that I didn't ever want to have a baby in the hospital again.

That night when my husband got home from school I told him all about my desire and he thought I was crazy!  After all he was studying to work in a hospital and here I was telling him that I felt it wasn't necessary for me to use with our next child. Mind you, this was some time before we even started thinking about getting pregnant.  I threw a lot of energy into research and decided that I would rather start with a birthing center than at home especially if it would put my husband at ease a little better. 

I know I sound crazy!!!

Trust me I am not the type of person that just jumps on the bandwagon and does something because it sounds exciting.  I put a lot of effort into researching something I feel passionate about but trust me I can become PASSIONATE!  And while at this point, for this birth I am not plannning a home birth or a delivery at a birthing center (I hope eventually I can) mostly for money reasons I truly believe that I healthy woman who has a healthy pregnancy can succesfully do these things. 

It wasn't just the movie at this point though. I had some health problems previously and after going to the doctor and running a series of tests and procedures and feeling like I got no where and the doctors basically saying, "well we don't know whats wrong with you" I took things into my own hands and started to try and fix things naturally. I felt that helped more than anything. It honestly changed a lot of the way I thought about medecine. 

Me after my 1st endoscopy

There was also another things that helped convince me that a natural birth was something I COULD do.  I started running!! As I think I have expressed on here before I never enjoyed running.  My sisters both enjoyed running and I always wondered why they would do such a silly thing for pleasure or for sport!  Than I started to do it and push myself physically and mentally.  I ran a race and started to realize that I could do hard things.  I started training for a half marathon and pushed my body to progressively run further and further.  Every saturday I would increase how far I would go and I realized it was more mental than anything.  They say that childbirth is like running a race and I truly believe that mentally ,if I can run long distances, I can have the natural labor I desire.   

My sister and I after our first 5k. 

We set a goal to run it in under 30 minutes. 

We beat our goal by quite a bit!

I would just like to say that I am very grateful for hospitals and modern medecine.  I truly believe that these things are blessings from Heavenly Father as well.  I just don't know that they are the answer for everything.
ps. I am 20 weeks today!  Half way there and feeling more like 30 weeks!

My first beautiful birth!

Disclaimer: This blog post is about pregnancy and childbirth.  The material could be senstive to some.  My intent in writing this disclaimer is to be sensitive to those who struggle to get pregnant, have miscarried or lost a baby in the later stages of pregnancy.  I recently spent some time reading blogs of woman who share their stories of these struggles and it helped me be aware of how very real and hard these struggles would be.  (I hope I am not being insenstive in writing this disclaimer)

When I found out I was pregnant with my first I was extatic. I am a big reader so I read everything I could get my hands on that helped me understand what was going on with baby and my body.  I especially loved the funny books like Belly Laughs and A girlfriends Guide to Pregnancy.  My pregnancy was hard.  Not necessarily harder than some (after all I have a sister in law that had to have a feeding tube) but harder than a lot I have heard of. After the 1st trimester I got a break from throwing up for a couple weeks and then was back at it regularly.  I threw up frequently most of my pregnancy. It was all worth it. 

17 weeks pregnant!

30 weeks

35 weeks

38 weeks!

My husband and I prepared the nursary and got everything ready our baby girls arrival.  A week away from my due date my midwife told me she would induce me on my due date because I have a small pelvice and she was worried about the baby being large. I was so excited about this too.  I was  effaced some but not dilated at all.  I felt that my body and our daughter was not showing signs of coming any time soon and I had plans of having an epidural anyways.

On Thursday June 25, 2009 my husband and I waited for a call from the hospital telling us when to come in.  At 8:30am they called me and asked if we could be there at 10. That morning when I walked into the hosptial I did not look like anyone appearing to give birth that day. I had a huge smile on my face and looked and felt rested.  My husband teases that I was skipping in. By noon I was hooked up to IV and administered pitocin. 

Before contractions.  My mom and I

Progressed happened slowly over the next few hours but I was feeling contractions coming on strong.  My midwife broke my water at 3pm and by 4 I was begging for the epidrual.  Because of the Pit I never felt a mild contractions or build up to hard contractions.  It was intense right away.  At 10pm my midwife told me I was ready to push (I had no idea) and at about 10:10 my little lulu was born and put on my chest. She was this tiny beautiful girl with a massive amount of hair.  At that moment I knew happiness and love like I had never known before.  It was one of the most spiritiual experiences I have ever had in my whole entire life.  My husband was amazing through it all and I felt so blessed to have him by my side.  There are things about her birth that I will never forget.  They will forever be fresh in my mind. 

My husband, my midwife, out little lulu and I.

 My dark haired little beauty!

After this experience I truly felt that I was made to have babies.  It was just so beautiful and perfect and I just knew that I wanted to have more.  I wanted to experience this beautiful thing we call labor again and again and again!  And at some point my mind shifted into believe that I could do this amazing thing like so many who have come before me on my own...  Without the help of pitocin and pain medecine because my body was made to do this miraculous thing. 

I pray and hope that my preperation and my belief that I CAN do this will help when the times comes.  I will be sharing with you my preperation but my next post will be about my shift to desiring a natural birth.

I'm Back

 In case you have been wondering why I have been gone it is not because I have lost all hope and stopped striving to be healthy.  I am happy to say I am almost 20 weeks pregnant with my second child.  I had high hopes of being this incredibly active and fit woman this time around and for the first couple weeks after I found out I  was.  I continued to do Jillian Michaels Ripped in 30 and continued to run but than sickness hit me full force and I was diognosed with hypothyroid (which I am hoping will go away after this pregnancy) and all that fit pregnant woman stuff went out the window.  I have however been able to walk 4-6 miles a couple times a week and am starting to feel well enough to cook healthy meals for my family and I.  As of right now I am feeling great!  I am starting to love pregnancy and trying to have a positive outlook on the whole pregnancy thing!  My first pregnancy was A LOT harder and so I am counting my blessings with this one!  I have debated on whether or not to share this on here but I decided I would.  After all this blog is about my journey to health and I feel that this is part of my journey.
I am planning a natural childbirth this time around and have decided to share my process.  My first pregnancy I walked into the hospital on my due date and had an elective induction with no intentions of going without an epidural.  I am not against epidurals although in my research have started to wonder why elective inductions are so common.  Over the next few months I would like to share with you why I have decided to go natural and how I plan to accomplish this.  My hope is to help other woman who might also have the desire to do so.  Maybe inspire some woman that it is possible and that they would like it as well. 

In the next few days I will share some events that brought me to this choice!

Here is a few belly shots of my just shy of 20 weeks!! 

Yes I know I am carrying LARGE!!